STAGE FIVE: GUILT AND SHAME

Guilt and shame is not a part of every grieving cycle you go through in life, but it is definitely part of the post-abortion experience along with depression.

Guilt is a God-given emotion that lets you know when you have transgressed a value that God has set in his Word. At its worst, unresolved guilt surfaces in such ways as denial and rationalization, it turns people in to a bundle of nerves, it awakens people in the middle of the night, it causes digestive problems, and it causes people to numb themselves emotionally or to take pills, alcohol or drugs to numb the pain. Guilt also causes spiritual separation with God, it causes problems in relationships, it creates suicidal ideation, and the list goes on.

Shame is not the same thing as guilt. While guilt is God-given and lets you know when you have sinned, shame is an emotion you bring upon yourself that tells you that you are a defective person. Shame usually begins in childhood with perceived messages such as, “You are so stupid,” “You should be ashamed of yourself,” and “You never do anything right.” A woman who has been shamed in childhood, and who now has had an abortion, continues in faulty thinking about herself and sees herself as defective. She now thinks, “No one could love me now. I am so ashamed, I am not worthy of God’s love or of anyone’s love.”

GUILT AND SHAME RESOLVED:

Once again, you need to correct faulty thinking patterns, so continue to journal and continue to recognize your patterns of thinking that are not true. This is very important. You were able to have an abortion because of the lies you believed about it. You will continue to believe untruths about yourself if you do not correct these thoughts with truth! Remember that where you are and who you are, are two different things. Where you are is changing as your values come to the surface. You can always have a new beginning if you acknowledge sin and accept God’s redemptive work on the cross for you personally. He died for you. “If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away, behold all things have become new.”

Guilt is a God-thing. It is God given and it is God-resolved. At its best, guilt will move you to change your behavior and seek forgiveness from God and others. Guilt has a higher purpose than what you might think. It’s really a tremendous gift. It was given so that we would turn to God when we sin. God is the only one with a remedy for guilt and shame. Counseling helps patch up an old life….but Jesus said, ‘I’ll give you a new one!’ You have not committed the unpardonable sin. Jesus has already paid the price for all your sin. This is something none of us can do on our own. God has provided the remedy for sin. Our job is to acknowledge our sins and to accept the work He has already done on the cross.