Stages of Grief,
continued

STAGE TWO: ANGER

When denial breaks open, anger is what comes out! And anger can be very overwhelming!

Let’s look deeper into anger for a moment. Let’s define it. We know how it feels, but it will help you to understand what anger is.

Anger is always a demand. Really.
Anger is a demand that says, “I need you to hear me, I need to know I am important to you. I have a need that needs to be met, listen to me!” All our anger stems from the fact that somewhere along the line, we have perceived that we were not important to those who we loved the most and whom we thought loved us. At present, if you are dealing with anger, think about where all your anger lies. Who are you angry with? Why? What was the demand that wasn’t met?

Examples: You may feel angry at the doctors and nurses at the abortion clinic who helped you to do this, and who may have acted very cold toward you. You may feel angry with the father of your child for not protecting you and for not being there for you. You may feel angry with your parents for even suggesting that this would be a good solution. You may feel angry at your friends for talking about abortion as a simple solution, and now they are nowhere around to talk to. You may feel angry with God for allowing you to even get pregnant in the first place. You may feel angry with yourself for listening to others and for going through with the abortion.

In all your anger, remember this:

ANGER RESOLVED:

Get out your notebook again and begin to list all the people you are angry with. You may discover that you are angry at other things in your life as well. Was your family life chaotic? Was there abuse? Did you experience a lot of rejection in relationships before you became pregnant? One thing you need to know…..you did not get to abortion overnight. There were other circumstances that led up to that decision. Make a list of everyone you are angry with. Then you have a further assignment. Write a letter to the people you are the angriest with. Please DO NOT send these letters!!!! These letters are for you to get your anger out and to discover what needs were not met for you.

Remember, anger is a demand…..a demand that requires people to see you as a person of worth. How did these people fail you? Where did they not listen to you? Why are you angry with yourself?

Let me tell you one thing in advance. All the strained relationships involved with your abortion experience will not necessarily be able to be resolved at this time. It would be nice if everyone recognized your pain and apologized to you for his or her part in your abortion. But as we all know, “life happens” and this is not always the case. You will have to think realistically now. Think about what is a reasonable outcome for each relationship that was damaged. Remember, in the future there may be other opportunities for reconciliation. Everything will come in its time.