For Men

Is Your Girlfriend Pregnant and You Don’t Know What to Do?

Whatever your situation, you are not alone. The first thing you need to do is find out if she is really pregnant and learn about your options. We provide confidential and free pregnancy tests along with many support services. If you are not in our area, feel free to contact us and we will talk to you by email. Our Helpline exists to help both of you come to an informed decision. If she is truly pregnant then she is already being overwhelmed by hormone changes that affect her decision making. Having your emotional and physical support will reassure her that you care.

Maybe friends and family are encouraging you to push her to
have an abortion.

Maybe you thought about marriage in the future, but right now
seems too soon for this responsibility

Maybe you are both wondering how you will finish your schooling

Maybe you didn’t want to be a parent just yet.

Maybe you are unemployed and are wondering how you will
support the baby, and the baby’s mother.

Maybe you are frightened that having a baby right now will
end your dreams for your future.

Whatever your situation, you are not alone.

Abortion can seem like an easy and legal solution but it does have significant risks that you may not understand. Even if you do not plan to say together as a couple, she needs your help and support right now as decisions are made for her future and for yours.

It’s hard to realize that women can choose abortion without the permission of the baby’s father. Many women who have had abortions report that they were waiting for their boyfriends/husbands to stop them. Some even say that they sat on the abortion table hoping the father of their baby would “rush through the door to rescue me and take me away somewhere safe.” One of my recent clients said that when she told her boyfriend of the pregnancy she said, “I guess I’ll make an appointment for an abortion.” She later told me, that what she had hoped he would say was that “You don’t have to do that, we can find another way.” But, instead, he said nothing, and what that said to her was that he didn’t care about her or her baby so she did, in fact, have the abortion to the determent of all concerned. It was a no-win situation, as he really did not want her to abort but didn’t think he had any right to tell her what to do or what not to do! Right now, you both need to talk this over and know all your options and risks. And you both need to be honest with how you are feeling. But don’t make decisions on wishful thinking, or on selfish motives. Get the facts, know the risks. You are free to make any legal choice but, remember, your choices will make you in the end.

Just the Facts

Learn about fetal developement and abortion procedures and risks

Use our Decision-Making Guide to determine what you know and how you feel about your options

Post-Abortion Syndrome Affects Men, Too

If you choose abortion or already have participated in this decision, be prepared for the fact that BOTH of you may experience what is called “Post-Abortion Syndrome.” According to many studies that have been done on this subject, you, as a man, may experience one or many of the following problems:

Fear of failure

Depression

Guilt/shame

Panic attacks

Sexual dysfunctions

Eating disorders

Troubling dreams/nightmares

Struggles in your relationship, or future relationships

Feelings of inadequacy

Alcohol, drug or other chemical dependency

Suicidal thoughts

Inability to make important decisions…fear of defeat

Fair Warning

Studies have shown that partners who followed through with the choice of abortion, seldom stay together more than two months afterward. Abortion doesn’t seem to be the glue that holds a relationship together. Feelings of betrayal and hurt compounded with the grief over the loss that results from abortion, can separate two hearts forever. If you care about this woman, encourage her not to abort.

Know this: Following abortion, the bedroom will never be the same.
Neither will the kitchen, the living room or vacation cottage.

In other words, abortion does not take you back to the place where you were, before the pregnancy and abortion.

So many couples just want to go back to a pre-pregnant state where they were enjoying each other’s company, living arrangements, and lifestyles.
But, you can’t go back.
You now have an abortion between you and that causes distancing in relationships from here on in, and in every relationship that follows.
Just ask those who have been there.

One More Thing…

So many couples say they just don’t want to be a parent yet and that is why they are choosing abortion. But the fact is, you are already a parent. A child has already been conceived. It is not a matter of I don’t want to be a parent yet… once a child is conceived, you are a parent. You have a child. In choosing abortion, you end the life of your child. That is the choice you are considering.

This must be understood before proceeding.

At the Abortion Facility

If you both have determined, for whatever your reason, to have an abortion and actually make it to the facility, ask the facility staff these questions:

What kind of abortion will she have? Will it be chemical or surgical? Ask them about the risks. It’s important that you both sit through any discussion about the abortion procedure. Most women want their boyfriends to understand what they will be going through. She is afraid to be alone with her feelings.

Who is the abortionist and what are his/her credentials? Be sure to write down the name. (Oftentimes they do not want to give you the name of the doctor. This alone should tell you something!) Would you see any other doctor without knowing his/her name? No, you wouldn’t.

Don’t let her sign any papers that might release them from any liability if they hurt her. This prevents you from any course of action should anything happen to her as a result of the abortion.

Check to see if the facility is clean and sanitary. Many abortion facilities are never inspected by governmental agencies. As a result, they can provide sub-standard care to their patients. If the facility doesn’t appear spotless, leave. (This is not to be taken lightly….we know of one client who said she visited four abortion clinics, none were clean, some had cameras in the front office so as to scrutinize clients, and unclean rooms were very apparent! They never did have the abortion and they didn’t like how they were treated!)

If they offer ultrasounds, insist on being allowed to view the screen. Both of you have a right to view any medical tests that are being conducted. Maybe you are afraid to view the screen because you don’t want to view the baby. This should tell you how you really feel. Not viewing the screen does not take away the fact that a pre-born baby is present.

Should your girlfriend/wife have any doubts, take her home. There is no rush to make this decision. Any hesitation on her part could mean significant regrets in the future. Always remind her that you are there to protect her from harm. No matter how close or distant your relationship is at this time, it is not worth an abortion especially if one or both of you are expressing doubts.

Accompany her throughout the facility. Do not wait in the car until it is over. Should the facility staff seek to isolate you from your girlfriend, or from hearing any discussion on procedures and risks, be immediately suspicious and ask her to leave with you for the time being.

It is our hope that you do not opt for an abortion. Remember that abortion doesn’t erase a problem – it only adds new ones. Abortion is PERMANENT. There is no “undoing” this decision. Wait and research all your options and know that we are here to help. If you are in our area, give us a call, or stop in our Center.

If you are only as close as the internet, email us at onlinehelp@pregnancy-helpline.net